The disparity between men and women in this society becomes more apparent to me day by day. Keeping the anatomy and body structure of men and women aside, the way we perceive women creates a huge gap between both genders. My mother has told me several times, that our society is a sphere dominated by men, but the sad part is that men are not solely responsible for it, but in fact women have played a huge role in undermining their individuality and elevating men to a level of demigods. While men enjoy the extravagant nature of their bilogical make-up, women are constantly reminded of their already lack of authority within society. This is not a general outlook upon the world itself, but merely a reductionist opinion on a majority of realities within Pakistan.
I’m trying really hard to make this piece of writing level headed in the sense that I should probably mind my language, but it causes great frustration to withhold indecent words when society is developing into a joke of the century. Laugh on folks, cause if we don’t change the way we think or the manner we raise of sons and daughters in, women will be in for the ride of their life. Not exactly an enjoyable ride, but a very unpleasant ride which leads to the living dead neighbourhood somewhere nearby the Grim Reaper. Would we want our daughters to be buried alive under expectations which carry hypocritical value?
Before a girl gets married off, the majority of elder relatives start preaching her about how she should mould herself into the very woman every man desires in our surrounding. By that I mean that she should be able to know how to act around her husband in a respectable manner, this includes the way she sits and talks and also the way she interacts with his entire family. Crazy? Yes indeed, I rarely hear women tell their sons anything of that sort, let me correct myself there; “I NEVER HEAR MEN BEING LECTURED” about the way they should behave infront of their wives. Let’s label this phase that girls have to encounter before marriage as the “Lecture all you want” phase, where aunties and mothers and especially those newly wed women gather around the girl and try to alter her personality into one that can be squashed into tiny juicy pieces. This is a joyous occassion where all females get together and help create a new and vulnerable woman, where all her desires, likes and dislikes are shoved into a tiny corner. Oh yes, and I forgot to mention that her brain becomes the property of the man, literally. Any thought that rebels against her husband’s mental mind frame is unacceptable and she ‘needs’ to think from his point of view, how come we never see men attempting to perceive things the way their wives do? I’m not pointing any fingers, I suppose with such an accusatory article there isn’t any need to point fingers.
How many times have we heard women complain incessantly about girls ‘of age’ sitting home after completing their studies, I think its something several women chatter on and on about in every street corner. As soon as a girl has finished her desired studies, the parents can’t wait to throw her out of the house, you see she is sucking all the financial accumulation in that house (eye rolls). You see its a disgrace to the family if a girl is within the household that she was brought up, that is after the age of education, in every place it varies according to their wants and cultural affiliations. But hell yes, it is acceptable in fact justifiable if a ‘boy turned man‘ has successfully completeted his educational endeavour and is taking a ‘gap year’ to look for jobs and going on late night road trips with his friends. That’s not a ‘major’ problem, the issue of significance is that a girl is quitely sitting at home and is unmarried. While all this is going on, neither the men nor women around the girl are able to realize the mental strain that a girl has to go through. The fact that she is comfortably residing in her father’s house itself is looked down upon by the women around her, trust me everyone denies it but they’re all thinking it in their heads. That’s how we have been conditioned to think since we have been children. Our mothers teach their girls how to be independent in today’s world and think for themselves but if God forbid that very thought process rebels against the mothership then it becomes a threat. The easiest solution is to eliminate the threat, in other words get her married off in a nice household where she will learn to hold her tongue for the rest of her life. Sounds like a party? Except at this party, society acts like music for the ears and taunts play the role of food and drinks. Once again, I know this doesn’t happen everywhere, but this is an apology from the depth of my heart to those girls who are going through this right now and I am to blame since I have never spoken up for any of you ever.
Why are we pressurizing our daughters into living for others rather than themselves? To hell with that kind of discipline, you teach your girls how to think but restrain that ability when she starts speaking sanely. The minute she starts questioning why she should remain quiet if her male relative has touched her inappropriately or why she can’t be allowed to go out at decent hours of the evening when she sees her brother roaming the city all night long? A woman’s vulnerability in physical strength is a strong factor in asking them to remain shush on such fragile topics, I myself agree that in a city like Karachi it is unsafe for girls to roam at late nights of the hour, but why don’t we ask our men to become more decent men who won’t harrass any and every girl they see walk by in dresses that are a little too tight or short. Has self restraint and conscience become so rare that these are alien concepts to all of us? It suprises and disgusts me at the same time when people are easily passing judgements on girls they don’t even know first hand. If her male colleague has dropped her off home cause her car broke down at night, this is sufficient reason to label her as a ‘loose girl’, if you don’t believe me then maybe you should take a Pakistan tour and eavesdrop on every street. But then again thankfully there are some parts in our community which are incredibly sane, this includes that minority which thinks from the brain, this minority gracefully does not pass any judgements. In order to create a bit of a chart, let me draw another situation, there’s a young man who has been known for flirting with women and being a total casanova. Before he gets married off to his wife to be, his character will be squeaky clean compared to a girl who is appararently ‘loose’. All the ladies of the family will mention how he merely had his ‘fair share of fun’ and ‘harmless’ time pass and that now his loyalties will lie only with his wife.
All these words might come off a bit too harsh towards men. But its not meant to be directed towards all men, in reality this is a recommendation to all those women and growing girls so that they realize that men and women are beautiful creatures of God, they are not meant to overwhelm each other. All my females fellows need to learn to love and grow for themselves and no one else, appreciate yourselves, do not allow anyone whether it be your own blood to ever make you feel unworthy. If things are weighing down upon you, I beg you don’t give up and don’t give in. I hope that we all learn to value our daughters and their opinions as much as we surrender to our sons.