How many of you thought Beyoncé’s song “Single Ladies” was the best song that defined invested emotions women around the world experience? For God’s sake all those men hiding behind those massive commitment-phobic rocks, come out and ‘put a ring on it’ or else leave the girl ALONE. Just a second, let me balance the argument, (processing…) let’s draw attention to many of our female friends who love stringing men like pearls and won’t say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ and keep the guy hanging in anticipation for an answer. I like to call this the ‘fish on the hook’ strategy that many men and women have been using throughout years, I’m assuming with the passage of time both genders have managed to polish their skills through technological and manipulative means.
In our side of the world, the major factor for determining strength and severity of a relationship between a man and a woman is the ‘prospect of marriage’. If a man has shown enough interest either through an exchange of metallic bands or verbal vows which either eventually lead to or have already led towards marriage, then its safe to say the girl has hit a home run. Yes, she’s safe. She no longer needs to worry about the petty concerns of being single, gone are the days where the mother and aunties would look for potential husbands and badger her with one man per week. I’m pretty sure a lot (of brides to be) Pakistani girls know what I’m talking about, you are permitted to bathe in your glory of successful commitment!
Let’s take a stride away from this comfortable and rather conventional notion of marriage and dwell in the elements of dating, flirting or ‘messing about’. The latter signify unconventional methods of male and female interaction in our South Asian society, this in no way means that these elements have never existed or are completely null and void; all I’m trying to emphasize is that even till today in many parts of this country these unconventional mannerisms are rather unacceptable. Of course many average boys or girls in today’s time won’t resist the temptation of harmless flirting as long as it doesn’t result in a scandalous reputation. The core matter resides in the institution of marriage and how people adopt “imposter roles” in order to keep the boat of flirting and ‘messing about’ afloat, it prevents them from diving deep into the depths of commitment (or as it is more formally known as ‘marriage’ over here). Several men and women upkeep ‘imposter roles’ in order to keep their lust and ego boat steady and stable, they have no intention of reaching ashore on this form of transport, in fact they will leap out of the darn boat when they feel that the storm of commitment is about to devour them. Enough of this metaphorical sarcasm, let’s get to the point in the paragraph below.
This is where it gets sadly interesting, I know many of us have been there and regretted it, but nonetheless these ‘imposter roles’ exist amongst men and women. Many a times, both men and women jump into spontaneous relationships, they all start out with either party showing interest through the internet or texting. These forms of technology make it easier to communicate your liking towards a person without having to make things physically or verbally awkward. After both persons have surpassed this stage and are technologically comfortable with each other, they resort to meeting up or ‘dating’, this leads to a good time and partial companionship. Here’s where the pathetic part barges in the story, (drum rolls) one of them, either the girl or boy is playing an ‘imposter role’! Gasp, what does that mean? It simply means he/she is playing the person a long, no intentions of commitment are involved and even the partial companionship is pleasant not because they are genuinely attached to their partner, but simply because their partner is helping them pass their time. Wait, I think I got the words mixed up, it’s referred to as “time pass” in the city where I live, that mean’s you’re just someone’s cough syrup, you’re there cause they like you enough to hang around with you and make them feel ‘better’ but trust me they ain’t drinking you for the rest of their lives. Why? Because you’re cough syrup.
When an ‘imposter role’ is using someone as their cough syrup, they usually sugarcoat things in the beginning. For instance ‘I’ve never felt this way about anyone else before, let’s take it slow but let’s take it’, do people fall for those lines? Of course they do! Seriously, when people say incomprehensible gibberish like that , it makes you wonder what the human mind is processing and how sluggish it can be in matters of love and lust. The ‘imposter role’ will make you feel special in the initial stages, whether it means buying you material possessions in the world or making regular calls to tell you that they miss you, either way it doesn’t matter cause he/she is going to run like the wind the moment you get ‘serious’. As soon as you become comfortable with the relationship you have developed, then walls of hesitation and formalities gradually start crumbling away and demands and expectations seep their way into the bitter cough syrup. This is when you will start to feel that the ‘imposter role’ is backing off, all those promises of ‘potential commitment’ are starting to look very bleak and rather distant. The girl or boy start recycling words that were previously very confident verbal statements which were paving the way to marriage or the idea of parents getting involved to give their approval for matrimony. All of a sudden they seem reluctant to get married and are reminded of the numerous responsibilities which surround their existence. A surge of realization hits them and they disappear, this sounds a lot like Harry Potter’s world where people vanish magically. Shit happens.
Where does this leave the ‘fish on the hook’, the victim of such a romantic atrocity? Well, all that’s left is a huge bag of embarrassment with a couple of feelings of regret and grief thrown in. Sadly, the victim has been pranked just because he/she fell for those disastrous words “I want to marry you”. I have seen this happen to many girls, and also a few of those loyal and angelic boys, their dreams are crushed into tiny edible pieces which the next person feeds on and assures that they will never turn out to be an ‘imposter role’. Some of us are lucky and finally end up with someone who doesn’t mind sealing promises with a wedding band, but some of us get thrown into the vicious cycle of ‘fish on the hook’. Those people who presently feel that they’re hanging by the rusty hook in a relationship, a word of sanity please? Leave that person and stop mentioning him/her to your parents in order to gain their traditional approval because you’re going to be ashamed as hell when the ‘imposter role’ gets tired of using you as bait and mommy and daddy are going to kill you with guilt. We are all aware that sexual activity or for that matter, even ‘dating‘ is looked down upon in our society as a whole. Marriage seems to be the only gateway to a relationship worthy of social representation, so how about this? Next time we feel these symptoms creep up on us, back out instantly. If someone is unable to commit to you through marriage in this patriarchal corner of the world, then your radars should start working, and you should probably get the hint that either this person is ‘messing about’ or isn’t ready. Either way let’s get practical my loves and move on.
“Put a ring on it” or get the hell out of here. That should be our new motto.