Tag Archives: marriage

Men who break hearts: Whether it’s Karachi, Lahore or Islamabad.

10 Apr

 

Cities. So many cities to leap through in Pakistan, so many hearts to break, yet so little time!

Hold your horses boys, cause the girls know about your dreadful hobby of hopping from one city to another and pulling their fragile hearts apart! This article in no way leans towards partiality towards cities, rather it will highlight the repulsive migration of men from one place to another where they find a feminine aura to meddle with and disrupt. Each city lingers with the scent of a woman for them, it reminds them of their conquered territory where they prepared their flirtatious ammunition in anticipation for the ‘next lady’ on their hit list in another land far from there. Yes, my precious readers there are men in this world who move from city to city enjoying the company of a ‘attached and expectant’ girl in each city, some of these girls don’t realize their heart are in jeopardy until the ‘migrant’ flees away!

How does this intricate system work? *Sigh*

A man’s sexual and emotional urge to be in the presence of a woman instigates his ‘bonding’ with a female figure, which in turn transforms into temporary romance and companionship. The only flaw with this equation is that the woman tends to develop into a ‘attached and expectant’ being, whilst the man skips the melodrama and proceeds with goodbyes.

I’d personally justify this if the woman was informed prior to the ‘romantic expedition’ that their relationship was meant to be short-lived, most of the time she isn’t aware or even slightly doubtful of the man’s intentions which eventually leads to a sinking sense of emotional turmoil.

After effects of this situation? The man is left with sweet memories of that woman and some men are stubborn enough to dive into the polygamous train of romance in pursuit of the ‘next lady’. On the opposite, the woman is left heart-broken, cheated and is surrounded by a mound of tissue papers at 2 A.M in the morning. For the first time it dawns upon her that she was a mere toy that was meant to be played with and broken, it portrays the lack of sentimental value she held in the relationship.

Some of us recover from these wounds and even gather the insane courage to forgive and forget. Others dwell in the misery for sometime, later on they pick up their emotional baggage and lock it in the closet, so as to remind them that life shares bitter realities with us and we must always be ‘on guard’. Either of these tactics to deal with the pain primarily depends on the individual’s perspective on life and personal philosophies.

As mentioned in the former paragraphs, some of these ‘migrant’ men lean towards adventurous romances and risk emotional damage to women in each ‘city’. This doesn’t imply a literal meaning where a man travels from one city to another, but rather it refers to the symbolic and disgusting endeavours of men who are completely detached to all those significant women in their lives. Obviously, women who pursue such heartless relations should also be condemned, but at the moment I am writing with the raw desire to reach out to myself and all those women who feel they’ve been destroyed at some point in their lives.

I’ve been told many times in life that there will come a time when you’ll look back at this and laugh, surprisingly none of it holds comical value in the present time, will all of us truly be laughing from the depths of our heart later on or will it be a jubilant mask of concealed history? Time will tell.

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Arranged Marriage: For all the Pakistani Men and Women out there.

31 Mar

The traditional outlook of ‘arranged marriage’ in our society is full of ‘surprises’! The notion of surprise exists primarily because the man/woman may not know each other on a romantic stance. Dating someone for a while and being aware of each other’s likes and dislikes creates common ground which helps in forming a sacred relationship that exists between a husband and wife, but ‘dating and falling in love’ aren’t necessarily the only ingredients or paths of success in a marriage. There are so many arranged marriages that take place everyday across South Asia, I might be leaving a few other regions out where it’s a common practice for a man and woman to enter into a relationship without prior sexual, emotional and sometimes even verbal exchange. Some people prefer taking the massive plunge and swimming in the dangerous depths of ‘love’ oceans, whilst some of us take a liking to the traditional ‘arranged marriage’ perspective. Except the good old arranged marriage has been tweaked, and there’s a comparatively adventurous touch to it in the 21st century. Stay tuned.

Arranged marriages come in all different sorts of forms, meaning that the proposal for a man or woman could be through a close source (mostly female relatives) or it could be after the potential husband has spotted his ‘bride to be’ at a party and then the mother and family approach the woman’s family. There’s no single tracked way of these things happening, they can come from any and every direction, but the primary element of significance is that there is no previous ‘intimate or romantic’ history between the man or woman. Hence it is termed as an arranged or fixed up marriage. This is the way a typical arranged marriage works out in our part of the world, many years ago the ‘no communication’ rule was followed strictly by many, where the future bride and groom were meant to hold their horses and not interact with each other until the official wedding takes place. That sounds like a pre-historical tradition nowadays, even though there are those avid traditionalists who stay loyal to the old boundaries, most of the population has taken a ‘modern’ turn and accepted the average interaction between the man and woman. This in turn has opened glorified gates of technology and pre-marital romance even for those who have submitted to the notion of arranged marriage.

After the deal is sealed, where an engagement or talk amongst elders has taken place regarding the issue of marriage, many men don’t hesitate in getting the lady’s number. That’s right, they jump into the cellular world of ‘flirting‘ and ‘intimate conversations’, this allows both prospective parties to understand and appreciate each other without taking things too far. The duration before the official wedding permits the couple to exchange thoughts and ideas which might have an effect on their completely ‘arranged’ setup, this communication has the power to morph this traditional institution into a romantic one.

Since society has loosened up to the idea of a man and woman ‘getting to know’ each other before marriage it has created a calmer environment for the couple to open up. Just because the marriage has been arranged through external sources doesn’t mean that it can’t be full of love and joy. Someone very wise once emphasized that ‘love grows with time’, I couldn’t agree more. Just because the couple didn’t bump into each other in the most spontaneous ‘hollywood‘ styles or fall in love whilst completing their Bachelor’s degree at university doesn’t mean that their “future” couldn’t be as exciting as that of a typical ‘head over heels’ couple.

There are countless married couples that encountered each other through purely ‘arranged’ intentions, but live in a rather happy, loving and comfortable marriage. I suppose two people eventually form that connection where love and emotions become the fuel power to thrive. Let’s cut to the chase here, in essence the soon to be ‘wedded’ couple manifest their rather fetal and developing emotions into a technological medium of communication. Does midnight texting sound familiar to some of you out there? Does the 10 minute meetup with the future life partner when you’re supposed to be out with ‘friends only’ ring any bells? That awkward sense of uneasiness caused by aunties and uncles when your fiance/fiancée tries to speak to you at a social event, the intense glances make one feel like the horrors of pre-marital sex are going to take place right then and there!

The bottom line is arranged marriages work out just as successfully as ‘love marriages’, the only difference is the presence or absence of a romantic history. A word of advice to all of those who might be thinking of tying the knot and are still in the limbo of ‘yet to be married to him/her’, utilize this time in getting to know each other. In order to make a wise and conclusive decision about whether or not to marry your potential partner, it is essential to channel this ‘limbo’ period so as to understand and realize the mental compatibility between both parties. It is true that living with someone in the same residential perimeters makes you more personally aware of the other person, but that doesn’t undermine the significance of the duration before marriage where both persons are not living with each other (engaged to be married couples or even dating couples normally live in their own separate houses before marriage), the anticipation of marriage shouldn’t prevent us from assessing the risk factor in an arranged marriage.

During the ‘limbo‘ period, the man and woman should share their likes, dislikes and future visions with each other, more importantly it allows both persons to be skeptical about the pragmatic dimension of the future relationship. Even within such a traditional and patriarchal framework, both genders have the secret luxury of assessing their personal opinion about the relationship whilst they interact through the mobile, internet or social events. Occasionally when people fall in love, they determine their mental and emotional meshing by themselves and aren’t drawn into a union by third parties. In the case of ‘arranged marriages’ the couple don’t have the opportunity to comprehend each other’s stance on numerous subjects, so these days many of them take advantage of the ‘limbo’ period. For all my friends who are about to enter the joyous union of life-time partnership, don’t hesitate to understand your other ‘half’ and if something strikes you as odd then be vocal about it. When I refer to something appearing ‘odd’ or ‘strange’, I mean if you might think that your ‘future’ pick has intentions of diminishing your individuality or might not hold a similar perspective as you towards things that are close and dear to your existence.

Our present generation is lucky to have this altered version of ‘arranged marriage’ where communication is easier and more reliable than the treasured yet old-fashioned exchange of ‘love letters’. How about morphing ‘arranged commitments’ into technologically thrilling modes of communication and understanding, additionally why not determine whether your future life partner is someone who you actually want to be with? Just because our elders have made level-headed choices in matters of marriage for us, doesn’t mean we seal our hearts and minds too, never stop thinking for yourself. In such a society I maybe categorized as those lucky people to have parents who value thought process and opinions on such debatable matters. At the end of the day it is our responsibility to speak up and think for ourselves whether it concerns topics of ‘arranged’ or as termed in Pakistan, ‘love marriages’.

Women in Pakistan: And our vow to silence?

29 Mar

Remain quiet and the world will be silent, speak up and the whole world will sceam with you.

Invisible sweat of fury forms on her fingertips, whilst she feels a nerve throb against her forehead, an univiting scream makes its way to the throat but it dies down as soon as the girl feels her expressive protest is completely useless. This is what happens to several girls throughout this nation and most likely in many parts of the world, they are rendered speechless. Why, you ask? Simply because their protest will go unnoticed and will most probably play the cards against rather than in their favour. Hence the sole solution seems to be silence, which in turn creates an ignorant counter effective process of undermining the significance of the female voice in many matters. Is this a general happening within this country? Not really, along with time, perceptions have started to alter and as a result many parents and relatives have formulated a sense of awareness and appreciation for a woman’s/girl’s vocal authority. What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger, but just sometimes it can suffocate you into bitter misery where you either kill everyone around yourself or take your own life.

Silence prevails throughout. Shhhh someone might hear.

Have you ever heard the standard sentence ‘Just bear a little more and things will gradually sort out, he needs you to be understanding’, well I’m pretty sure I’ve heard it several times. That’s what many women in our society are preached, continuous reminders of her ‘submissive’ role are embedded within the mind frame. It is instilled in them since they are little girls, when they see their aunts or elder sisters unhappy and going through a rough time during their marriage, they are conditioned to think that there must be something that those women are doing wrong. Maybe she should be “more” compromising, or she should put in more “effort” in her relationship, no matter how unreasonable the man is being. Let me remind all the readers that this is not a general opinion but rather it is a reductionist approach aimed at those women I have seen and heard of. No doubt, both the male and female party need to invest a lot into marriage which requires a few compromises and sacrifices, but surprisingly enough there are many cases where the woman seems to be the only component of the marriage formula that keeps on trying to level the equation.

When our women express their disappointment and unhappiness in a marriage, we jump to conclusions that it might be the initial ‘hardship’ of the relationship where two people learn to adjust with each other. For quite a few women, it’s not the weighing intricacy of the new bond formed that is causing strain, but it’s things that go on inside those four walls when no one’s around. As mentioned before, some women prefer to use the silent treatment with everyone even their loved ones despite the fact that they are having a brutally awful time with their new husband. Are women a piece of cake to live with? Hell, no! Women can be ‘equally’ difficult, erm let’s be honest, women can be harder to tackle than men. Keeping this point aside, let’s focus on women being maltreated. After women say ‘I do’, some men switch into superiority mode and gracefully accept that the wife is now their property. Beat the living shit out her, stop her from meeting her family members, stop her from watching her favourite tv shows, sounds like a fairytale? I think I’ve exaggerated this a bit too much, in case ladies reading this start processing that this blogger has ‘some issues of her own’, stop right there! I never said that ‘all’ men were like this, but come on I know people who have been through such marital atrocities.

Some of us Pakistani women have this disgusting habit of keeping secrets, which should clearly be revealed rather than hidden under a burden of emotions and trauma. After years of beatings, one fine day the family members or siblings realize their ‘loved one’ is taking hits for petty reasons. By that time the majority of people think it’s too late, they believe that sufficient sexual, emotional and timely investment has been made and tearing the wife away from her husband would be an ‘inconsiderate’ move. What happens in this case? Nothing much really, the siblings and parents make regular calls and visits in order to check that the woman hasn’t dropped dead after a sumptuous beating from her better half. In many cases I’ve heard that the siblings gather the courage to get the husband beaten up to keep him in his place and prevent him from turning into a serial wife killer. One of my really good friends has some strong and rather reasonable opinions on such cases, she says the best option is to castrate the man, but that may lead to an enjoyable imprisonment. Hypocrisy? Yes, we all lather ourselves in double standards where the man can get away with a good old regular beating but no one can get away with getting rid of a man’s essential anatomy. Sighs*.

This is not the end of my complaints ladies, don’t worry there’s more to come. What about the crazy idea where wives are ‘forbidden’ or ‘restrained’ from meeting their own siblings and parents. Those women must not have been aware that they were going to be fortified into isolation, reasons you ask for this imprisonment? Here are a few, ‘Who’s going to tend to my house when you’re not at home?‘. I know what many of you are thinking, is the house a new-born baby that needs to be breast-fed from a lactating source? A few other reasons include ‘What about my mother, she’s going to be home alone while you’re gone?’, this being said while the mother in law comfortably lies on the sofa watching an intensely dramatic soap on the television. Let me add this my loves, that no one is ill or in a position of assistance within that household but somehow the wife needs to stay put and must not make that visit to her parent’s place. Gradually some men invade the woman’s whole life, where she has to submit to his likes and dislikes on the television as well, which leads to her watching her favourite tv shows when he’s out at work. I must say that many of our mothers are lucky cause they can watch their dragging soaps on television without any complaining from our fathers 🙂

The key question is why women keep their mouths shut? Why do they believe lifelong silence is preferable to an expression of pain and suffering?

So many of our sisters, aunts, daughters don’t exclaim their tedious lives to us because they simply don’t want others to be part of the ongoing misery. Their love and concern for us keeps them from reflecting their own life stories because it will ignite a chain of events which will not affect them in a singular sense, but will encircle the entire family. The society will devour the parents with taunts and inquisitive expressions of their daughter’s unstable domestic environment. Sometimes all a woman thinks is, why should I take everyone down with me when I’m already facing it alone? That’s where there are completely and utterly wrong! All women owe it to themselves to speak up when they feel something is wrong, neither can we blame the whole society nor can we point fingers at our families. How are our ‘loved ones’ supposed to alleviate our hardships and problems if we don’t give them a chance?

For once let’s think about ourselves ladies, and stop fretting about external factors, all men and women deserve their share of happiness.

Dating in Pakistan and the joys of meeting cheaters!

28 Mar

How many of you thought Beyoncé’s song “Single Ladies” was the best song that defined invested emotions women around the world experience? For God’s sake all those men hiding behind those massive commitment-phobic rocks, come out and ‘put a ring on it’ or else leave the girl ALONE. Just a second, let me balance the argument, (processing…) let’s draw attention to many of our female friends who love stringing men like pearls and won’t say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ and keep the guy hanging in anticipation for an answer. I like to call this the ‘fish on the hook’ strategy that many men and women have been using throughout years, I’m assuming with the passage of time both genders have managed to polish their skills through technological and manipulative means.

In our side of the world, the major factor for determining strength and severity of a relationship between a man and a woman is the ‘prospect of marriage’. If a man has shown enough interest either through an exchange of metallic bands or verbal vows which either eventually lead to or have already led towards marriage, then its safe to say the girl has hit a home run. Yes, she’s safe. She no longer needs to worry about the petty concerns of being single, gone are the days where the mother and aunties would look for potential husbands and badger her with one man per week. I’m pretty sure a lot (of brides to be) Pakistani girls know what I’m talking about, you are permitted to bathe in your glory of successful commitment!

Let’s take a stride away from this comfortable and rather conventional notion of marriage and dwell in the elements of dating, flirting or ‘messing about’. The latter signify unconventional methods of male and female interaction in our South Asian society, this in no way means that these elements have never existed or are completely null and void; all I’m trying to emphasize is that even till today in many parts of this country these unconventional mannerisms are rather unacceptable. Of course many average boys or girls in today’s time won’t resist the temptation of harmless flirting as long as it doesn’t result in a scandalous reputation. The core matter resides in the institution of marriage and how people adopt “imposter roles” in order to keep the boat of flirting and ‘messing about’ afloat, it prevents them from diving deep into the depths of commitment (or as it is more formally known as ‘marriage’ over here). Several men and women upkeep ‘imposter roles’ in order to keep their lust and ego boat steady and stable, they have no intention of reaching ashore on this form of transport, in fact they will leap out of the darn boat when they feel that the storm of commitment is about to devour them. Enough of this metaphorical sarcasm, let’s get to the point in the paragraph below.

This is where it gets sadly interesting, I know many of us have been there and regretted it, but nonetheless these ‘imposter roles’ exist amongst men and women. Many a times, both men and women jump into spontaneous relationships, they all start out with either party showing interest through the internet or texting. These forms of technology make it easier to communicate your liking towards a person without having to make things physically or verbally awkward. After both persons have surpassed this stage and are technologically comfortable with each other, they resort to meeting up or ‘dating’, this leads to a good time and partial companionship. Here’s where the pathetic part barges in the story, (drum rolls) one of them, either the girl or boy is playing an ‘imposter role’! Gasp, what does that mean? It simply means he/she is playing the person a long, no intentions of commitment are involved and even the partial companionship is pleasant not because they are genuinely attached to their partner, but simply because their partner is helping them pass their time. Wait, I think I got the words mixed up, it’s referred to as “time pass” in the city where I live, that mean’s you’re just someone’s cough syrup, you’re there cause they like you enough to hang around with you and make them feel ‘better’ but trust me they ain’t drinking you for the rest of their lives. Why? Because you’re cough syrup.

When an ‘imposter role’ is using someone as their cough syrup, they usually sugarcoat things in the beginning. For instance ‘I’ve never felt this way about anyone else before, let’s take it slow but let’s take it’, do people fall for those lines? Of course they do! Seriously, when people say incomprehensible gibberish like that , it makes you wonder what the human mind is processing and how sluggish it can be in matters of love and lust. The ‘imposter role’ will make you feel special in the initial stages, whether it means buying you material possessions in the world or making regular calls to tell you that they miss you, either way it doesn’t matter cause he/she is going to run like the wind the moment you get ‘serious’. As soon as you become comfortable with the relationship you have developed, then walls of hesitation and formalities gradually start crumbling away and demands and expectations seep their way into the bitter cough syrup. This is when you will start to feel that the ‘imposter role’ is backing off, all those promises of ‘potential commitment’ are starting to look very bleak and rather distant. The girl or boy start recycling words that were previously very confident verbal statements which were paving the way to marriage or the idea of parents getting involved to give their approval for matrimony. All of a sudden they seem reluctant to get married and are reminded of the numerous responsibilities which surround their existence. A surge of realization hits them and they disappear, this sounds a lot like Harry Potter’s world where people vanish magically. Shit happens.

Where does this leave the ‘fish on the hook’, the victim of such a romantic atrocity? Well, all that’s left is a huge bag of embarrassment with a couple of feelings of regret and grief thrown in. Sadly, the victim has been pranked just because he/she fell for those disastrous words “I want to marry you”. I have seen this happen to many girls, and also a few of those loyal  and angelic boys, their dreams are crushed into tiny edible pieces which the next person feeds on and assures that they will never turn out to be an ‘imposter role’. Some of us are lucky and finally end up with someone who doesn’t mind sealing promises with a wedding band, but some of us get thrown into the vicious cycle of ‘fish on the hook’. Those people who presently feel that they’re hanging by the rusty hook in a relationship, a word of sanity please? Leave that person and stop mentioning him/her to your parents in order to gain their traditional approval because you’re going to be ashamed as hell when the ‘imposter role’ gets tired of using you as bait and mommy and daddy are going to kill you with guilt. We are all aware that sexual activity or for that matter, even ‘dating‘ is looked down upon in our society as a whole. Marriage seems to be the only gateway to a relationship worthy of social representation, so how about this? Next time we feel these symptoms creep up on us, back out instantly. If someone is unable to commit to you through marriage in this patriarchal corner of the world, then your  radars should start working, and you should probably get the hint that either this person is ‘messing about’ or isn’t ready. Either way let’s get practical my loves and move on.

“Put a ring on it” or get the hell out of here. That should be our new motto.

Inequality of Men and Women in Pakistan, who is to blame?

25 Mar

The disparity between men and women in this society becomes more apparent to me day by day. Keeping the anatomy and body structure of men and women aside, the way we perceive women creates a huge gap between both genders. My mother has told me several times, that our society is a sphere dominated by men, but the sad part is that men are not solely responsible for it, but in fact women have played a huge role in undermining their individuality and elevating men to a level of demigods. While men enjoy the extravagant nature of their bilogical make-up, women are constantly reminded of their already lack of authority within society. This is not a general outlook upon the world itself, but merely a reductionist opinion on a majority of realities within Pakistan.

I’m trying really hard to make this piece of writing level headed in the sense that I should probably mind my language, but it causes great frustration to withhold indecent words when society is developing into a joke of the century. Laugh on folks, cause if we don’t change the way we think or the manner we raise of sons and daughters in, women will be in for the ride of their life. Not exactly an enjoyable ride, but a very unpleasant ride which leads to the living dead neighbourhood somewhere nearby the Grim Reaper. Would we want our daughters to be buried alive under expectations which carry hypocritical value?

Before a girl gets married off, the majority of elder relatives start preaching her about how she should mould herself into the very woman every man desires in our surrounding. By that I mean that she should be able to know how to act around her husband in a respectable manner, this includes the way she sits and talks and also the way she interacts with his entire family. Crazy? Yes indeed, I rarely hear women tell their sons anything of that sort, let me correct myself there; “I NEVER HEAR MEN BEING LECTURED” about the way they should behave infront of their wives. Let’s label this phase that girls have to encounter before marriage as the “Lecture all you want” phase, where aunties and mothers and especially those newly wed women gather around the girl and try to alter her personality into one that can be squashed into tiny juicy pieces. This is a joyous occassion where all females get together and help create a new and vulnerable woman, where all her desires, likes and dislikes are shoved into a tiny corner. Oh yes, and I forgot to mention that her brain becomes the property of the man, literally. Any thought that rebels against her husband’s mental mind frame is unacceptable and she ‘needs’ to think from his point of view, how come we never see men attempting to perceive things the way their wives do? I’m not pointing any fingers, I suppose with such an accusatory article there isn’t any need to point fingers.

How many times have we heard women complain incessantly about girls ‘of age’ sitting home after completing their studies, I think its something several women chatter on and on about in every street corner. As soon as a girl has finished her desired studies, the parents can’t wait to throw her out of the house, you see she is sucking all the financial accumulation in that house (eye rolls). You see its a disgrace to the family if a girl is within the household that she was brought up, that is after the age of education, in every place it varies according to their wants and cultural affiliations. But hell yes, it is acceptable in fact justifiable if a ‘boy turned man‘ has successfully completeted his educational endeavour and is taking a ‘gap year’ to look for jobs and going on late night road trips with his friends. That’s not a ‘major’ problem, the issue of significance is that a girl is quitely sitting at home and is unmarried. While all this is going on, neither the men nor women around the girl are able to realize the mental strain that a girl has to go through. The fact that she is comfortably residing in her father’s house itself is looked down upon by the women around her, trust me everyone denies it but they’re all thinking it in their heads. That’s how we have been conditioned to think since we have been children. Our mothers teach their girls how to be independent in today’s world and think for themselves but if God forbid that very thought process rebels against the mothership then it becomes a threat. The easiest solution is to eliminate the threat, in other words get her married off in a nice household where she will learn to hold her tongue for the rest of her life. Sounds like a party? Except at this party, society acts like music for the ears and taunts play the role of food and drinks. Once again, I know this doesn’t happen everywhere, but this is an apology from the depth of my heart to those girls who are going through this right now and I am to blame since I have never spoken up for any of you ever.

Why are we pressurizing our daughters into living for others rather than themselves? To hell with that kind of discipline, you teach your girls how to think but restrain that ability when she starts speaking sanely. The minute she starts questioning why she should remain quiet if her male relative has touched her inappropriately or why she can’t be allowed to go out at decent hours of the evening when she sees her brother roaming the city all night long? A woman’s vulnerability in physical strength is a strong factor in asking them to remain shush on such fragile topics, I myself agree that in a city like Karachi it is unsafe for girls to roam at late nights of the hour, but why don’t we ask our men to become more decent men who won’t harrass any and every girl they see walk by in dresses that are a little too tight or short. Has self restraint and conscience become so rare that these are alien concepts to all of us?  It suprises and disgusts me at the same time when people are easily passing judgements on girls they don’t even know first hand. If her male colleague has dropped her off home cause her car broke down at night, this is sufficient reason to label her as a ‘loose girl’, if you don’t believe me then maybe you should take a Pakistan tour and eavesdrop on every street. But then again thankfully there are some parts in our community which are incredibly sane, this includes that minority which thinks from the brain, this minority gracefully does not pass any judgements. In order to create a bit of a chart, let me draw another situation, there’s a young man who has been known for flirting with women and being a total casanova. Before he gets married off to his wife to be, his character will be squeaky clean compared to a girl who is appararently ‘loose’. All the ladies of the family will mention how he merely had his ‘fair share of fun’ and ‘harmless’ time pass and that now his loyalties will lie only with his wife.

All these words might come off a bit too harsh towards men. But its not meant to be directed towards all men, in reality this is a recommendation to all those women and growing girls so that they realize that men and women are beautiful creatures of God, they are not meant to overwhelm each other. All my females fellows need to learn to love and grow for themselves and no one else, appreciate yourselves, do not allow anyone whether it be your own blood to ever make you feel unworthy. If things are weighing down upon you, I beg you don’t give up and don’t give in. I hope that we all learn to value our daughters and their opinions as much as we surrender to our sons.

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